


Figuring Things Out

by Sabeki



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: LGBTQ Character, Trans Female Character, Trans Male Character, Transgender, gotta get all of em, this is very self indulgent
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-22
Updated: 2016-10-17
Packaged: 2018-05-28 08:25:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 8,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6322177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sabeki/pseuds/Sabeki
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Adrien tries to practice control in his life, but he can't ignore this one article. It's just a trashy article in some tabloid, so why does it make him feel so... happy?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I'm just posting this very, very self-indulgent fic for myself. But if you like it to, feel free to leave kudo's, or a comment!

Modelling was… difficult, for Adrien. He’d never liked the clothes, for one. He didn’t like fashion altogether, it made him feel gross. Suits chafed, pants felt weird, complaint after complaint. Gabe (who for some reason insisted that Adrien call him Father) didn’t care of course. After all, he was the type of asshole who made Adrien call him Father. So he did it.

But he couldn’t… he couldn’t focus as well as usual, when he modelled. If a photographer asked him of course, there was a lie ready. Adrien was always good at lying.

Father’s angry? Tell a lie.

Friend thinks something’s wrong with you? Lie.

Trying to convince yourself that you think fashion is frivolous? Lie.

_Where is my brain right now?_ He thought, still thinking on lies as he was being photographed by some jackass upstart in the fashion industry trying to be avante-garde, or whatever the hell excuse they came up with these days to stuff him into these _goddamned suits_ , holy shit. Another pose, another feeling of crappiness. To control it, another mental phrase of control.

They varied. _Lying is safe,_ for one. _Control is a necessity_ , there’s another. _Shut up and listen_ , always a reminder to--

“Pay attention, Adrien!”

Shit, what was going on now?

The photographer hefted his not-inconsiderable mass to some semblance of standing.

“We need the feeling of sorrow, not of anger! You look so furious in these.”

_Motherfucker, you lost control and the anger showed through!_

“Sorry, sir. I was just stewing over some classroom drama.”

There’s another lie. Easy and quick as snapping your fingers.

“Ah, no need to be sorry. Just, pay attention, is all.”

…

When Adrien got home, it was empty, which was just… fine. Fantastic. The white marble halls had no people to stir the air in them, and the result was an environment that felt stiff and forced. _It’s fitting, for someone like Gabe to have a house that’s so grand and yet so shammy._ The grandeur felt wasted, especially since there was no greater than maybe 8 people there at a time.

The decor therefor felt like it was desperately yelling for attention and release, despite the fact that no one save Adrien was there to release it. It was sad, in it’s own way, and hilarious in another.

Up the white stairs, into the bedroom, and FWUMPH! Onto the bed. “Plagg,” Adrien moped as he buried his head in the pillows, “I hate… everything.”

“Really? Even Camembert?” Plagg said in mock surprise, a grin on his face.

“Especially Camembert! I’m going to take over the world, specifically to ban Camembert!” Adrien declared while attempting not to scream into the pillow.

“But how would you enforce these Camembert laws? Surely I could still get some on the black market.” Plagg mused idly.

“We’ll line up all the cows and execute them.” Adrien replied, “The Seine will flow red with the blood of the dairy regime.”

“Those poor cows, whatever did they do to you? Hmmm...Ah, but I could still go to the moon! They say the moon is made of cheese, y’know.” Plagg responded.

Adrien kept slumped in the pillow.

_What is with me today? Usually Plagg is the easiest person to play along with._

“... Adrien? Are you OK?” Plagg suddenly felt worried.

Adrien got up and stretched. “I’m fine. Just a long day, is all. God, modelling is such--!”

Adrien fell silently, opting instead to demonstrate by wringing his hands around that damned photographer who’d stuffed him in the goddamned suit.

“Ah, one of those days. Well, I’ll be around if you need me! These naps don’t sleep themselves away, y’know.”

Well, at least that bomb was defused. _Although, now that I think about it, Plagg should be someone I could tell the truth to. I mean, what’s the worst he can do?_

Adrien’s phone buzzed in his pocket. _What now?_

NINO: hey dude wanna hang?

Nino, of course. Welp, might as well put him off now.

ADRIEN: Sorry dude, totally crashing. Some of us have a job, you know :)

That should keep him off for a little bit. Sighing, Adrien opened the laptop on his floor from where he’d tossed it last night.

It was opened on some trashy news site, a tabloid that he couldn’t believe people still read but, evidently, did. It was supposed to be entertaining if you heard Nino tell it. But all Adrien could see was a lack of control. Weak people allowing too much leeway into their lives, and weak morals compelling writers to make some entertaining drivel from it.

The page reloaded, and Adrien almost did a spit take at the main article. **_Chat Noir Really a Woman?_ ** , written in big bold letters. It was certainly a lie, but unlike the ones Adrien told it served no purpose or function. It was gaudy, and tacky, and badly put together. But… it felt interesting. He couldn’t describe or say why, but it made him feel excited.

He clicked it. No one would notice, Gabe couldn’t connect Chat Noir to him and Plagg was asleep. What could come of it?

_Chat Noir, or Chat Noire? Some say she isn’t who people think her to be._

_Why did it feel so nice to be called a she?_ Why was she so interested, so enthusiastic about it? And most importantly, why had that pronoun slipped into place so easily?

_There she is. I love her! Look at her go!_ She kept cycling through them, people calling her she, people saying she looked pretty, people noticing her nice figure. It felt so… nice. Why did this make her feel so happy? Why did the pain go away?

She read through the article, which mentioned something about being transgender. _Can I look that up safely?_ She wondered.

She knew for a fact that Fa- Gabe checked her _Oh my GOD that makes me feel so happy!_ search history, so she couldn’t trust that. And she couldn’t use her phone, because he checked that, too. But maybe if she asked Nino about it? Hmm, she could make that work.

NINO: aw dude that’s a bummer :( and man im working on it but not all of our friends have super connections

ADRIEN: I suppose that’s true. Hey, y’know that tabloid you told me to look at?

NINO: that trash rag? yeah man

ADRIEN: They’re saying Chat Noir is transgender.

NINO: whaaaaaat. dude thats hilarious. does that mean we have to call them chat noire now?

ADRIEN: I guess! What does being transgender even like, entail?

NINO: i dont know, but now im curious. lemme look it up.

NINO: ok so like when ur gender doesnt match what people say you are at birth cause of ur genitalia and you have to like, play the game of the opposite gender, ur trans. man, theres all kinds of shity stuff in here.

ADRIEN: What? Really? Like what?

NINO: well if u want to actually transition theres a lot of hoops. dude this is actually kind of bumming me out.

ADRIEN: Wait, what’s transition?

NINO: um, i guess chat noire would be taking estrogen pills to give herself tittys. man thatd probably be hell in a leather suit.

ADRIEN: Oh my God, you’re right. That’s hilarious.

ADRIEN: Ugh, I’m so tiiiiired! I’m gonna take a nap dude.

She turned off the phone. Right, how long was a believable nap? Then she could “wake up”, and… And… Something. She didn’t know.

But still, it felt nice to know a general course of action.

 


	2. Parallel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marinette, in a different part of Paris, is trying to put together a suit. And when she tries it on, something just... bugs her.

Marinette was working on a suit. She didn’t usually do them, but she’d seen a few photos that had piqued her curiosity, and one thing had led to another and well, here she was.  _ Why does my life always seem to be one big ball of weird decisions? _ She thought to herself, absentmindedly checking the suits seams.

_ Marinette, always out of control. Why couldn’t I be the, the cool suave person for once? _ She could even imagine. In a nice suit, like this one. Handing out compliments, never tripping. Actually… Hm.

Marinette put on the suit, and it felt nice. She looked herself over in the mirror a little bit.  _ I look a bit ridiculous. Hm, maybe if I just,  _ and then she began to pose a bit more masculinely for the mirror.  _ Augh, but the breasts get in the way. If only I could take them off! … Wait, what? _ She paused a little bit, then shrugged.

_ What would Chat Noir do?  _ Marinette thought to herself. “Hey there, lady,” She said to the mirror, trying to get her voice the lowest she could go.  _ That sounds good, yeah. Now if I had a beard… _

Marinette snatched up some pencil eyeliner and did a sketchy beard around her face.  _ Yeah, that looks better. Oh, and the pigtails have to go too. _

She took out the little bands that held her pigtails up, and her hair fell down, accentuating her face a little bit more. But it was too long.  _ I should see if I have a hat! _ She thought, and wandered as to where she might find one. She had some beanies, but they wouldn’t go with the suit. Along with that, they all had cutesy designs she’d never really quite liked. But if she remembered correctly, there was still a fedora somewhere in here. Somewhere.

Marinette took a moment to look at her room. Had it always been so… pink? Sure, the aesthetic worked with the shop, but it seemed so… so aggressively feminine. She hadn’t noticed it before, but now it felt like it was crowding out everything else, and this terrible feeling was starting to well up inside.

It felt like, Marinette thought, the feeling that ensued when you realized that someone you had a crush on totally didn’t like you. Or like when you sprained your ankle, except you didn’t know you’d sprained your ankle and someone had fed you painkillers so you wouldn’t notice, and as the wound festered suddenly the painkillers were yanked away. It felt horrible.

And then she spied the hat and put the feeling out of her mind as fast as she could. Atop the frame of her bed, perched in a fashion that could only be described as jaunty. Snatching it quickly, she tucked the swathe of black hair hanging behind her head back into it, and looked in the mirror. She looked… nice. She liked it.

_ But still, the breasts… WHY DO I KEEP THINKING THAT!? Come on brain! _

But still, she did like the look. Where’d she put her phone? She patted herself down before realizing, oh yeah, she’d put on the floor,  _ c’mon Marinette, get your head in the game!  _ And gingerly picked it up to snap a pic to send to Alya.

MARI: [Download Image]

MARI: What d’you think? Do I make a handsome boy?

ALYA: Omg! Totally handsome. If Adrien turns out to play for the other team you can always change genders to seduce him ;P

MARI: Hahaha.

ALYA: Ok, not the best joke. But still you look fine! Who knows maybe I’d let you spend your money on me if you were dressed like that ;P

Marinette suddenly blushed a little bit. She could imagine it too, she would look handsome and Alya would look, as always, fashionable and pretty. A nice candle light dinner where she’d lay it on thick and--  _ BRAIN! Get it together! My God, the tangents I go off on. _

But still, the fact that Alya thought she looked handsome was… nice.

_ It’s just a bit of fun. _

“Marinette, time for dinner!” A voice, Papa, calling from downstairs.  _ He has such a deep baritone… wouldn’t it be cool if I could speak like that? _ Another odd thought, but she let it linger for a bit, until  _ Crap, I have to get this all off! _

“Be down in a sec, Papa!” She shouted down, and she realized for the first time she had an opinion on her voice. A bad opinion.

And when she took off the hat and the suit, and washed away the makeup, and everything was back to normal Marinette! The thoughts lingered. Amorphous, transient, floating around. And while they ate it bothered at her, the way that Papa was so big and strong.

And when she thought of Chat Noir, who seemed to her the spitting image of masculinity (although she was, in fact, having thoughts of a similar vein across the city), she felt jealous. Not terribly, but a little.

And even before she finally went to sleep that night, every little thing about her body seemed to nag at her, things she hadn’t noticed before. Things she hadn’t  _ wanted  _ to notice before. And even as she slept, she still felt… off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I... cannot sleep. So I decided to add a little bit more to this in order to occupy the time.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adrien didn't realize how much worse school is when you're best friend calls you man every few sentences. Meanwhile, Marinette is trying to figure out why she feels so crappy.

School for Adrien was a barrage of Mr’s, sir’s, and man’s that now felt far more barbed than they had originally. So a somewhat solitary lunch break with Nino should have felt relaxing. And it would have, if not for the fact that he kept saying

“Dude, are you listening?”  _ Why do I have to be friends with the one person who says some kind of male identifier in every sentence? _

“Yeah, I’m listening. I just didn’t get much sleep last night.” She said, which was kind of true. She hadn’t gotten much sleep last night trying to think of more feminine names, but that wasn’t why she wasn’t paying attention.

“Oh man, that sucks.” Nino exclaimed. “I didn’t get much sleep either, dude. I was studying all night, man, because this one history class is kicking my ass and,” and so it went, on and on and on. Adrien was fine with Nino, she liked Nino. He was a good friend, and the only person who went completely out of his way to beat back the loneliness she used to have.

But did he  _ have  _ to say dude so much?

“And so I told her no, man, I’m not gonna smuggle a rat in there for you! And she was like--” Ok, she hadn’t missed anything. Nino tended to talk a lot anyways, and most of it was rambling. 

She really needed a distraction. Maybe she could eavesdrop on somebody? Or, at the very least, manage to get in a conversation with someone who wasn’t Nino. At this point, she would take  _ anybody. _

Behind her and Nino, at the other table, Marinette and Alya were having their own discussion. Or more precisely, Alya was attempting discussion.

“Hey girl, are you paying attention to me?”

“Y-yes!”

“Really? What was I talking about just now?”

“Something about… parasols?”

“... What’s bugging you?”

Marinette sighed, and slumped down on the table. “I don’t even know! I’ve just felt crappy all day and I don’t know why.”

“Uh huh. Not that time of the month?” Alya asked, looking down on her friends imitation of a pile of molasses.

“Gah, no. I kind of wish it was? It’s just weird stuff.” Marinette replied, waving her arms a little bit before letting them slap limply back down to the lunch table.

“AND I still have to get these suits done by next week, and I don’t have anyone to model them in or anything!”

Adrien had been eavesdropping intently at this point, and chose this moment to swoop in. “I could always model for you, y’know.”

Marinette stiffened almost immediately, like she’d been struck by lightning. “Oh, no, I wouldn’t want to bother you, I’m sure you have a very busy schedule and everything, I’ll just go over and do it myself, really--”

“Really, it’s no problem!” Adrien cut in. “My house is as empty and boring as my schedule, honestly. So it’s not a problem at all.” Marinette at this point had reddened significantly, but still managed to get out a thank you.

“So, when do you want me to model for you?” Adrien asked.

Suddenly, thoughts of Marinette ordering Adren to pose for her flooded her brain, and what came out was “Whenever you’d like” that was several times too many like Chat Noir for her liking and maybe two tones deeper than her usual voice.

Marinette flushed the images of Adrien posing for her out of her brain, and suddenly realized exactly what she’d said, how she’d said it, and all that implied. Several more shades of red went through her face as she stammered out “I mean, whenever it’s ok with your schedule! Of course!”

Adrien decided to do her best to ignore the tone of voice Marinette had decided to use. It was probably for the best, after all.

“Well, I could probably just do it today after school, then. I don’t really have anything better to do anyway. See you later!”

Adrien walked away to see that Nino had evidently completely forgotten her absence, having instead decided to text away to some friends while waiting.

She tapped him on the shoulder. “Hey.”

“Oh, hey dude!” Adrien did her best to only wince a little bit at that, and smiled. “What was that? You kind of just left me here.”

“Oh, sorry! I kind of got carried away there. Marinette needed someone to model for her, so I offered.”

“Right on, man. I get it, I was boring you a little bit.”

“Wha-- No! You weren’t boring me, Nino. You’re my best friend. I  just got a little distracted, was all.” She patted him on the back. “It’s just… Sometimes I get a little tired of hearing the word ‘dude’ or ‘man’ every other sentence.”

“Oh, does that bother you? I’m sorry mmm _ mm _ y friend person, it’s a bit of a habit.”

“Wait, you’re really willing to change that for me?” Adrien asked, feeling a little bit surprised. “Nino, it’s… it’s not that bad.” ( _ Yes it is) _  “Like, it’s not something that’s gonna kill me.”

“Hey… best friend, that’s what best friends are for! I’d be a total loser if I wasn’t willing to change a little something for a friend.” Nino replied, seemingly not realising how happy Adrien was to hear that.

“Nino… thanks.” Adrien said, and as the bell began to ring Adrien couldn’t help but wonder.  _ Would he say the same if I told him I was trans? _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I really didn't think this would get so much attention! Thanks to everybody who left kudo's, and double thanks to the people who left comments! This chapter was a bit difficult to get a hand on, and I'm not sure I'm happy with it? But eh. It's mostly just to transition (if you'll pardon the pun) to Marinette and Adrien hanging out.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marinette and Adrien have some private time alone to think about things, and play dress-up.

Marinette was dealing with a complex stew of emotions that kept shifting randomly, ranging from  _ Oh my God, Adrien’s going to be at my house!  _ To  _ Oh dear God, Adrien’s going to be at my house.  _ To  _ I really wish that shitty feeling would go away  _ and so on and so forth for most of her day. She felt excited, nauseated, and terrified, all at once.

The final bell rang, a clear monotonous tone. Marinette tried to look casual as Adrien waved to her from a seat towards the front, as Alya casually tried to push Marinette out of hers. “Alya what am I going to do!”

Marinette whispered much like a hippo sneaks, which is to say she didn’t. Alya sighed at the lack of stealth and replied “Marinette, you’ve been waiting for this chance for years. Now go see if you can get him to pose real nice! I want pictures~”

Meanwhile, Adrien was having thoughts of her own in a similar, terrified manner.  _ Why did I agree to pose in suits I HATE posing in suits stupid stupid stupid!  _ And at the same time, she attempted to smile as Marinette seemed to be doing her best to crawl out of the window. “Marinette?”

“She’s coming, just--” A grunt as Alya did her best to dislodge Marinette from the windowsill “Give her a bit to collect herself!”

Adrien decided to use this small amount of extra time to collect herself, hoping that she wouldn’t freak out on the way to Marinette’s house.  _ Don’t be weird, Adrien. _

Alya successfully planted Marinette down in front of Adrien, proudly wiping her hands as Marinette tried to smile and not look awkward.

“I think I’ll leave the two of you to it, then, eh?” Alya said, and with a quick wave to Marinette she left the room.

“I- uh, so! Um… Where do you live, again?” Adrien asked, trying not to think too much about anything in particular.

“Oh, it’s not too far away, you can just follow me!” Marinette responded, trying not to freak out and act either too clingy or too distant.

“Ok, well, lead the way I guess?” Adrien gestured towards the door with a small, instinctual flourish.

The walk to the Dupain-Cheng household was very quiet as both parties freaked out in their heads and wandered down the Paris streets. The day was a curious mix of sunny and cold, and the occasional chill made a great excuse to justify red cheeks and shivers.

When they arrived, Marinette walked in without a word and, mindlessly, shut the door in Adriens face.

“Marinette?”

Marinette, suddenly realizing what she’d just done, hurriedly turned around and slammed the door open.

“Oh my God, I’m so sorry! I just sort of closed it without thinking, oh my God, Adrien, I-”

“Marinette, it’s fine. Besides, I haven’t exactly been making much noise. I guess you just forgot I was there!”

Adrien smiled somewhat cheesily to go along with this, hoping that Marinette hadn’t actually, intentionally, shut her out of the house. It was bad enough she had to dress up in a suit, let alone if the person she was dressing up  _ for  _ didn’t want her there.

_ Wait, was I being overbearing when I talked to Marinette earlier? _

“Ok, Adrien! This is my house, I guess.” Marinette gestured weakly at the interior of her home.

“You  _ guess  _ it’s your house?” Adrien said, unable to resist making a joke. “I certainly hope you guessed right.”

“Well, I mean, it  _ is  _ my house. Ah, right. Um, let’s see, what I need you to wear is up here!” Marinette said, inwardly cursing at the fact that she slipped up.

“Sorry, was that mean?” Adrien asked as they walked up the stairs. “I didn’t want to be rude, I just thought it was kind of funny.”

“Oh, no! It wasn’t mean at all,” Marinette said as she pushed open the door to the upper floor. “I’m just a little bit nervous. I mean, it’s not everyday that your, uh, clothes get modelled by a professional, after all!”

“Oh, I’m not really  _ that  _ professional, really.  Mostly I just do ads… and clothing lines, but that’s really just for my dad, so… uh, yeah.”

“Ugh, that’s so lucky,” Marinette said as she sat in the bed. “To have a parent able to get you into the industry? Luck factor 5,000. I mean, my parents are bakers! What connections in the fashion industry do you get from  _ that _ ?”

Adrien frowned a little bit. “Well,  I mean, you say that. But honestly, I kind of dislike that I got it because of my dad? It makes me feel like I’m taking up space for someone less talented. Or that I didn’t “earn” it. Plus, my dad’s a jackass.”

“Well, personally, I think you’re like, super talented.” Marinette said as she pulled out the suit, and felt an unfamiliar pang of… want. And then an idea formed. “Y’know, maybe… since you’re such a good model and all, maybe you… maybe you could wear the dress, and I could wear the suit!”

“I… really?” Adrien asked, suddenly feeling elated.  _ Oh my God I’m gonna be able to wear a dress yaaaaay!  _ “I wouldn’t want to like, ruin your dress or anything.”

“Psssssh, it’ll be fine! You want to prove you’re a good model, right? Well any good model should be able to pull off a dress!” Marinette said, while internally thinking  _ Marinette, what are you saying, these are nonsense words. Nonsense words, Marinette! _

And then she threw the dress at him. “Here, put this on and I’ll go change in the bathroom!”  _ Marinette what the hell are you dooooooing! _

Adrien held the dress close to her chest. It felt soft, and it smelled nice. She quietly slipped out of her clothes and put on the dress.  _ Wait, how do you put on a dress? _ She thought to herself. She realized she hadn’t actually learned how to, despite being a model.  _ Well, I guess you put that through there, and this in there, and… _

When Marinette came out from the bathroom, Adrien had somehow tangled herself in so many ways she now resembled some sort of horrific clothing monster. “Adrien, do you really not know how to put on a dress?”

“I may be a model, Marinette, but I am also, unfortunately, very bad with clothing. Why do you think I wear like, the same clothes, every day?”

“Tch, Adrien, I don’t know. Maybe you’re actually much, much poorer than you appear? Here, let me just…” Marinette started correcting the dress, and then realised  _ exactly  _ how close she was to Adrien. “I-- I-- Um, that should be good enough, right! Yeah, you look,” Marinette stumbled away from Adrien, and seeing her from further away didn’t help alleviate exactly how close they’d been when Marinette helped her into the dress.

With a sharp yelp, Marinette crashed onto the ground.

“Oh my God, are you ok!” Adrien asked, rushing forward in her dress to help Marinette up. As she pulled Marinette up, Marinette opened her eyes and groaned a bit. “Adrien…” She said, and then realised how  _ close  _ they were, and blushed. “You look… really pretty.”

Adrien, who was holding up Marinette, turned red as a rose and smiled like an idiot. Than she replied “You look very handsome.”

They stayed like that for a few seconds, just holding each other.

And then Marinette’s brain came back to full capacity, and Adrien realised she’d been maybe holding Marinette for too long, and they stepped a little bit away.

And yet, the feeling lingered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The scene towards the end was actually the first idea I had about this fic, and was what everything else was kind of bulding up too! Of course there's more to come (Marinette need's to figure out she's trans, for one, and they haven't done any Paris-saving at all.) but this is like the original idea. Thanks SO MUCH to everyone who posts comments or leaves kudos! You guys are great, and I treasure every last one :)


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The time has come for our hero's to part, but not without Marinette discovering a bit more about why they feel what they feel!

Marinette had finished shooting pictures of Adrien in the dress, doing her best not to blush at how cute Adrien looked.  _ It's like every time I think that my crush can't get cuter, he does!  _ She'd barely been able to keep it together, but at the same time she'd felt so excited!

And at the same time, she also felt so much better about herself. The feeling she’d had was, finally, dealt with. But now the time had wound down to a close, both of the people involved felt reluctant to stop. But it had gotten late, the sun threatening to set and the stars wavering cautiously in the sky.

“I… I guess this is it.” Marinette sighed, putting down the camera.

“I guess it is!” Adrien said, wishing that she could wear the dress for one more minute, one more second.

“Um… I think you left your clothes over there?” Marinette said, gesturing to the corner.

“Right.” Adrien said, walking over to gather them up.

“You know, would it be weird if I, um,” Adrien asked while getting her shirt off the floor. “Would it be weird if I asked to keep the dress?”

“I… maybe? I mean, like, I’d have to ask why, I guess.” Marinette replied, trying to forget that she’d need to take off the suit and put on pajamas. “So… um, why?”

“It’s just-- Gah, it feels weird to say this, but it just feels  _ better  _ wearing the dress? Y’know, it’s more comfortable than a suit. Is that a weird thing to say? I feel like it’s--”

“No!” Marinette suddenly interrupted, abruptly standing up. “No, that actually makes a ton of sense! I… I get the same feeling from wearing the suit, honestly.”

“Well, I’ve got a ton of unused suits,” Adrien mused, holding her little bundle of clothes to her chest. “Maybe we could trade?”

“Oh!” Marinette said, feeling a pit of anxiousness and excitement in her stomach. “I… I, are you sure? I wouldn’t want to impose, and I mean your suits are super expensive, and--”

“It’s not a problem!” Adrien said, holding her hand up as she walked over to the little closet. “I hate wearing the things anyway, I only do it because Father makes me.”

She entered the little closet with a swish, as Marinette subtly looked away. “I… Well, I  mean… I guess you could.” Marinette thought a little, putting her hand to her chin as if she had a beard before disappointedly realising she didn’t.

“But, y’know, we could do this again.” It was supposed to be an innocent suggestion, but it dripped with an odd seduction to it for both of them.

Adrien pulled off the dress with a painful expression on her face as she put the plain, white, cotton shirt on. 

“Maybe we could.”

Adrien came out of the little side closet, and picked up her little pack she’d had, a black and green thing. “Marinette, have you ever heard of something called gender dysphoria?”

Marinette paused a bit. “I… no, I don’t think I have. Why do you ask?”

Adrien opened the door to Marinette’s room and turned around. “I just think you’d be interested in it. Anyway! I have to go, so I’ll just… escort myself out.”

Marinette paused a little at that. “I… Are you sure? I can help you down.”

“No, I just think that I should, like, go, you know? I don’t want to be a bother. But like, look that up!” Adrien said, swiftly descending the stairs as Marinette followed a little slower.

“Bye Marinette! Have a nice night!” She cried, swinging open the door and stepping out to the sidewalk.

Eying the streets, she quickly hurried down a little, before fishing something out of her pocket. It was a small tube of red lipstick, with a plastic casing.

_ Uuuuuuugh what was I thinking? What are you even DOING, Adrien? _

She stayed there like that, standing on the sidewalk just looking at what she’d pocketed. A curious mix of joy and guilt surrounded her, until the joy won out and she whooped a little while running down the street.

Meanwhile, Marinette felt confused. It wasn’t exactly a strange emotion for her, but it was an uncomfortable one nonetheless. Slumping back onto the damnably feminine bed, she tapped her forehead with her phone.

Why had Adrien left so quickly? What was gender dysphoria? Why had she offered to do it again?  _ Questions, questions, questions. I should just be glad that I got to hang out with my crush, really. Bluuuuuuuuugh! _

But what was that one thing Adrien had asked her to look up? Marinette considered what she had to do before tomorrow. It was mostly nothing, really, a convenient lull in school work which was part of why she’d had the time to let herself hang out with Adrien for so long.

She decided to Google it.

gen·der dys·pho·ri·a

_ noun _

MEDICINE

  1. the condition of feeling one's emotional and psychological identity as male or female to be opposite to one's biological sex.



That… that felt familiar. Very familiar.

She clicked the Wikipedia article on it, and that led her to the article on Transgender, and that led her to thinking about pronouns.

Specifically, Marinette decided, it got  _ him  _ thinking about  _ his  _ pronouns.  _ Yes _ , he thought,  _ he/him pronouns fit very, very nicely. _

And Marinette decided, _ you know what? He was going to keep wearing the suit!  _ Marinette had already grown a little giddy off the whole pronouns thing, felt giddy about the fact that  _ he  _ was going to wear  _ his  _ suit, dammit, even if  _ he  _ had to wear it to bed!

And what about when he woke up? Well, he didn’t know yet. Something.

And while he slowly fell asleep in a cavalcade of pink frivolity, he thought to himself:  _ But still, it feels nice to know. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've ended updating this in a manner similar to when I first made it! I am, once more, in a hotel (but this time in Vegas) and unable to sleep. Honestly Vegas is pretty crappy? Cigarette smoke for miles, I tell you! It's totally gross. But eh, hey, a new chapter! Also, I feel like the last line kind of lines up the differences in Marinette's outlook on life and Adrien's outlook on life in this fic nicely. But maybe that's just me? Thanks to everyone who left Kudos and commented! You guys are great :)


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poor kids, they just can't go to sleep!

Adrien was sitting in her bed, feeling terrified. Would Marinette get it?  _ Was sh--, no, was h--, no, were they even trans?  _ She wondered.

_ I really, really, really, hope they are.  _ She thought to herself.  _ I really hope I can wear a dress again! _

And then she thought,  _ I really hope that Father doesn’t find out. _ She sleepily slumped down into the pillows, and tried to sleep.

 

Marinette was considering texting Adrien. He (He still got a kick out of using he pronouns, because GOD damn that felt good!) twirled the phone  in his hand, pondering. If he texted Adrien, well… Adrien might still be asleep.

Also, he wasn’t sure what pronouns, if any, that Adrien used. Sure, they was a good default, but he really didn’t want to screw up and misgender Adrien! Especially if Adrien was somehow, not actually trans. Maybe Adrien was a really good ally! Or a gender therapist in disguise. Or maybe Adrien was a figment of his imagination?

_ Ugh, I should just text them.  _ Marinette thought. And he kept twirling the phone, tossing it up, and down, and up, and down. And in a similar vein, his thoughts went: Text him, don’t text him, text him, don’t text him.

Then he dropped the phone.

The phone, which he had been hovering with the call button.

The call button, which to his great misfortune, had been pushed  _ just right  _ to start calling Adrien.

Adrien, who he’d been worried about calling the whole time.

 

Adrien had not been able to go to sleep. If anything, she was even more awake. The world had kept going on and on, and she’d kept thinking, and it just… It was just a bit hard to go to sleep. She kept worrying, and wandering, and it just felt weird.

Everything felt weird.

Her body felt weird, her bed felt weird, her brain felt weird. Her phone felt weird too, it was… vibrating?

_ Who calls someone at 1 in the morning?  _ She thought, blearily lifting the screen up to her eyes.  _ Oh. Marinette. _

_ Should I answer?  _ She wandered.  _ I could go back to tossing and turning in bed, and Marinette wouldn’t know.  _

She looked at the phone, and though  _ Well, fuck it, I’m not getting much sleep anyhow. _

She tapped the answer button.

“Hey, Marinette.”

Marinette freaked out at home. “Hey! Hey, Adrien! I, um, uh, I hope it’s not too late for you?”

“I wasn’t getting much sleep anyway. Is this about what I asked you to look up?”

“Yeah, actually. Um, I just… are there any, uh.... Ok, is it bad if I ask you to use he, him, I‘m a guy pronouns for me, from now on?”

Adrien blinked. So he was trans, that was good. “Sure. But, in return… Is it ok if I ask you to use she, her, I’m a girl pronouns for   _ me  _ now on?”

“Of course!” Marinette said, blushing a little. “I’d be a dick if I wasn’t, right?”

He paused for a second, then said “So, I was wondering if maybe you’d… like to do that again?”

“Modelling?” Adrien asked. “I do that all the time, so I guess--”

“No! Not modelling, not really! Just like, hanging out? But dressed the way we want to dress. And being the people we want to be. Y’know?”

Adrien blushed a little. “I, yeah! Yeah, we can totally do that-- that again, yes. That sounds great!”

Adrien felt a little bit like crying, and a little bit like laughing.

Marinette laughed a little into the phone, and said “Oh my God, it feels so nice to have someone to share this with!”

“I know, right!” Adrien said. “It’s so… relieving.”

“Yessss! Alright, I should go to bed. But still, plan on hangng out soon!”

“Good night, sir.” Adrien said.

“And to you as well, madam!” Marinette said back.

The call clicked, and ended.

They both got good sleep that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, it's another chapter! That's a thing. Thanks again to everybody who leaves kudo's or comments, you guys are pretty cool! And also, inspiring! In that you inspire to write more chapters!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adrien's father is very involved with Adrien's life, in all the ways Adrien doesn't want him to be.

 

He’d decided on Marcus. It was temporary, for the most part, just something to replace the name of Marinette in his head. But it was there.

Marcus looked around his room from his vantage point of a comfy chair with huge armrests, where he’d recently taken down all the frilly, pink things his parents had given him. It looked better. He guessed he’d have to, at some point, explain why he did that to his parents, but for now, he was content in just feeling more relaxed in his room.

He’d stashed all of it in the closet, and was hoping that his parents wouldn’t really notice it. Marcus wasn’t a great liar, and while he figured he could get away with just saying he wasn’t feeling the theme, it still worried him.

He idly twirled a pencil in his hand, sketching a dress for Adrien. He wasn’t really sure what he wanted to do with it, mostly it was just a present for her. A gift, for helping him realize he was a him.

_ He, him, his, hmmmm…  _ Marcus pondered to himself. He was trying to figure out what colors to do for the dress ( _ trans pride colors? Or maybe something more personal?)  _ when his cell phone buzzed.

_ It can probably wait _ , he figured, seeing as how he had nothing to do today. It most likely wasn’t important. He went back to the sketchbook, thinking about flow of fabric, and what  _ type _ of fabric, when the phone buzzed again.

_ That was odd.  _ He thought. He picked the phone off from the ground. Adrien was texting him. Why?

He swiped it open.

ADRIEN: Marinette, I have to cancel our get-together. Sorry. I didn’t realize what happened.

ADRIEN: My dad found out.

Oh.  _ Oh.  _ That didn’t seem good.

MARI: Are you Ok?

Oh, god dammit, he’d have to change that at… some point. Some time.

ADRIEN: I’m… fine. He wasn’t mad, but he seemed like he was just ignoring the fact that I was trans.

ADRIEN: He listened into my phone call.

MARI: Oh my god. Is that even legal?

Somewhere else in Paris, in a larger house, Adrien sighed. She was pretty sure it wasn’t legal. But he was rich, and power was malleable, and… Well, that’s just the way it goes.

ADRIEN: I’m pretty sure it’s not. I don’t know.

MARI: Well, that sucks. I’m sorry. I don’t know what to say.

Adrien stared at her bedroom wall. What could he say? What could she even do? Why did this have to happen? It felt like she was spiralling almost, down into this abyss, and there was no going back and--

No.

Stop. Don’t focus on that. Think.

She could just talk to Marinette  _ (was he still going by that name?) _ at school. She could find a way around. It’s just like normal. If she allowed her father to continue butting into her life, if she allowed him to control even this, she…

She wouldn’t be able to live with herself. If she stopped being in control of her life, if she lost the ability to spite her father, it would be morally reprehensible. A loss of dignity, of face.

She’d hang out with Marinette anyways. That text was mostly just for father to look at anyways.

MARI: Wait, does that mean your dad knows that I’m…

MARI: Can he read this?!?

Oh, right. God, how had she forgotten about Marinette?

ADRIEN: He doesn’t know who you are. You haven’t met at all. So you’ll be fine.

That was true. Father didn’t care to peer too much into her social life, so long as she was  _ meeting expectations _ .

But still, it must be terrifying for him to deal with. To have such a big secret known by someone you barely knew, from a phone call that  _ should  _ have been private.

ADRIEN: I’ll see you tomorrow.

Marcus looked at the words, feeling terrified. Someone knew. Someone he didn’t know, never met,  _ knew _ .

Oh, he was sure that Adrien’s dad wouldn’t do anything with it but… Shit.

Shit, shit, shit. He couldn’t talk to Adrien on the phone anymore, it was probably bugged, or watched, or whatever, some creepy surveillance illegality.

On two different sides of the Seine in Paris, two teenagers had the same thought at once.

_ What am I going to do? _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gah, sorry this took so long! Had a bit of schedule slip there, inasmuch as this has a schedule (which it kind of doesn't). Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this! Adrien's father is a creepy, invasive dick, and I'll probably handle exactly what happened in another chapter. Or maybe I'll just allude to it? Like Adrien's dad is never really there, but he's always THERE. Either one. And as always, thanks to all of you who left kudo's and comments! You guys are great.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adrien comes to an important decision.

Adrien was twirling the lipstick in her hands, pondering. Her father  _ knew.  _ Not only did he know, he said… No gender therapy. No transition. She couldn’t even begin to think about not transitioning until she was 25.

So her mind would be in the right place, he said. As if that should be a comfort. So that she’d be done with puberty. So that all that testosterone could just, go through her and make her look ugly, and taller.

Make her look like a  _ proper man _ .

What to do, then? She couldn’t handle a decade of being forced to not express herself. Or, she could, but she’d feel terrible.

And he’d said…. He’d said to cut ties with Marinette. Assuming he was still going by Marinette, of course.

She couldn’t do this.

She was tired of being  _ controlled  _ by him, having him dangle her life and wellbeing just in front of her. Treating her like a donkey. There’s the carrot, here’s the stick, and so on and so forth.

Adrien took stock of her room. She didn’t have much. She could keep her laptop, but she knew it was bugged. So, no laptop. Phone was probably bugged too, now that she thought of it. So that all had to go.

She took her wallet out of her pocket, black and green velcro from when she was younger. He couldn’t have bugged that, could he? No. No, he couldn’t have.

But her card, he was definitely tracking purchases from that. She’d have to withdrawal from a bunch of different ATM’s over time. Which meant…

Which meant she couldn’t leave tonight, as much as she wanted.

Which meant she’d have to spend time under his gaze, while he held secret’s over her head.

Which meant he could keep leering over her.

Adrien thought about crying, for a second, but no tears came.

_ Right, there’s a bright side to this.  _ Adrien thought to herself.  _ I can set up a plan, make a better layout, know who I can trust. _

But who could she trust? She knew Marinette would help her, but his parent’s were another story. And Nino’s parents would accept her if she ran, but they’d want to know, and… how would they react? What would they do?

What would  _ Nino  _ do?

Adrien knew she had 5.000 Euro in her bank account. She didn’t know what homeless accommodations there were in Paris, and she wasn’t sure she wanted to find out.

But before she left home, Adrien knew that she’d need a plan. But she couldn’t call Marinette, or Nino, or anyone! It was so frustrating!

How dare he ruin her privacy!

How dare he listen in on her calls! How fucking dare he bug her phone, bug her laptop, checkup on all of her internet history!

He fucking… What if he told Marinette’s parents he was trans? Oh, god. She’d have to… She’d have to find a way to get the recording deleted. Right then.

Withdraw the cash, delete the message, and find a place to stay. She was angry, nervous, sad, and scared, but still…

It felt nice to have a plan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Adrien's running away. Thankfully she's going to make sure she has a plan beforehand (ALWAYS have a plan if you need to run away from home! Look up resources, talk with friends you can trust, build up resources, etc.). As always, thanks to everyone who comments and/or kudo's! You guys are great.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An update! Hurray!

Hawkmoth breathed in deep. It was midday, and the world was milling about outside. The time was ripe to finally,  _ finally  _ rip out those Miraculous and ascend to godhood! He limbered up, stretching his back and cracking his neck.

It was time to perform a long, elaborate scheme. Given previous track records,it would most likely fail, but that was no matter. Each akuma narrowed down who in the school had the Miraculouses, which got him closer each day to seizing them. And if the akuma  _ did  _ succeed, well… he had no problem with that at all.

He flew a small butterfly out the vast window. “Fly my little akuma, and akumatize them!”

There was a foul energy hanging over the school. So much discontent! So much hate! Except… this wasn’t hate, no. It was related, maybe, but internal. How curious. He pressed the butterfly further.

It was… the model boy, Adrien. He’d discounted the kid because no one in their right mind would give someone so famous a  _ secret  _ identity. What did he have that plagued him? How could someone so wealthy possibly have trouble like… this?

Adrien was looking out the window, trying her hardest not to think at all. Trying not to move, even, and just capture the view outside in her mind. It was nice out, interestingly so for a fall day.

_ “Tell me, child, what troubles such a wealthy and powerful child as you?” _

A voice crept into her head, soft like feathers.

“My dad is keeping me trapped. I feel like I have to run away, and I’m not sure how.” She whispered it beneath her breath, looking stock still outside.

_ “Surely a boy like you--” _

“I’m not a boy.”

Hawkmoth paused at this. Not a boy? What on earth did-- Oh. Hawkmoth had read an article in some tabloid when he’d noticed that it had Chat Noir on it. He must be a trans, or whatever it was called.

_ “I see. That’s unfortunate. What would you do to be free from your father?” _

“Almost anything.”

_ “Would you destroy two Parisian heroes?” _

The model-- should he say girl? Hawkmoth decided on girl. The model girl was silent, awkwardly. The mood surrounding her changed oddly.

“I--um. About that. I…”

What on Earth was going on?

“I know Chat Noir. S- uh, he helped me figure out who I was.”

Adrien inwardly cringed. Was that going to work? It was a terrible lie. It was obvious she’d switched pronouns. This guy was obviously Hawkmoth, but how did she deal with that? Couldn’t he sense she had the Chat Noir ring on?

Hawkmoth inwardly cringed. Was that trashy tabloid actually right? Was Chat Noir a, a trans, too? But still, knowing that Chat Noir had a friend in the school was helpful. After all, the famous Adrien Agreste had few friends she could trust.

_ “Very well then. But if you should wish to make a deal… I’ll be waiting, girl.” _

The butterfly retreated, and Adrien relaxed her shoulders. Oh God, that could have been so bad. She had to tell Ladybug… but how? They usually only interacted when an akuma was flying about and causing trouble, and who knew when that would happen next--

A bomb exploded and the wall burst open. A brawny, burly man came out through the door, flexing his enormous muscles and screaming.

Well, that answered her question.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my gosh, this is like out of nowhere, huh? But hey! It's not dead! Anyways, Hawkmoth is weirdly supportive of his mortal enemy, huh?


	10. Chapter 10

Adrien had run off from her class and into the (ugh,  _ men’s _ ) bathroom, where she whistled for Plagg.

“Huh? What’s going on? Are we getting attacked again?” Plagg piped up from his nap, groggily opening his eyes.

“No time! Plagg, transform me!”

A very long and dramatic transformation sequence occurred with lots of sparkles and shining, and by the end of it Adrien realized something felt… different. Was she wearing… heels? Very small heels, but heels nonetheless. Her outfit was shaped a little bit more femininely, not quite noticable if you weren’t looking for it, but wearing it felt much better than wearing, well… a leather tight outfit dedicated to showing off a more masculine body.

“Plagg, did you do this?” Adrien asked, staring at the suit.

“You said you were a girl, right? I made it more girly. Thought you’d be more comfy. Anyway, I’m going back to sleep. Have fun stopping the thing or whatever.” Plagg replied, shifting around to get more comfortable.

“Plagg, I-- Thanks. Thank you.” Adrien stuttered out, and then an explosion in the main hall required her attention, and she was off.

“You’re welcome.” Plagg said quietly, eyes closed as one of the hero’s of Paris ran to deal with a supervillain.

\--

Marcus was in class when the explosion went off, and he had to sneak away from the evacuation.  _ Why does this have to happen now?  _ He thought to himself, stealing down the hallway and crouching into a janitor’s closet.

He was going to have to become… well, Ladybug. A superhero with  _ Lady  _ in the name. And the suit was skin tight! It showed EVERYTHING!

He was freaking out, huffing in and out deeply when Tikki came out from hiding.

“Hey, Marcus, are you Ok? You look like you’re kind of panicking.”

“Oh, I’m just fine! Everything’s fine, I just gotta wear the suit, and go fight the bad guy! The, the skintight, Ladybug suit… It’s fine!” Marcus spoke a mile a minute, tripping over his own words.

“Marcus, I can change the suit if you want.” Tikki told him.

“Wait, really?”

“Of course!” Tikki replied, beaming. “Go on, just say ‘Transform me!’”

“Tikki,” Marcus said, timidly, “Transform me?”

“Well, it’s better if you say it more confidently, but good enough! Here we go!” Tikki said, and the whole bells and whistles transformation shone out from the janitor's closet.

When it was over, the Ladybug suit was not skintight. Marcus felt over his body. His chest was completely gone, and that nagging thought that kept prodding him all day was… gone. He laughed a little.

“Tikki, this is great! Oh, thank you thank you thankyou thankyouthankyou!!!” He gushed it all out, jubilation pouring out from him.

“Oh, it’s no problem. I think we need a new name for you though. Machobug? No, that doesn’t sound right… Hmm..”

A punctual explosion broke the silence.

“We can talk about names later Tikki, I’ve gotta go save Paris!” Marcus said as he ran out into the hallway. “Thanks again for everything!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Superhero outfits! All that leather stuff has got to chafe, doesn't it? I guess magic takes care of it. Anyway, enjoy dorky teens dealing with super revealing outfits!


End file.
